Encouraging independent play in your child

It’s okay to feel sick of playing with your children all the time.

Parenting in itself is such an intensive exercise, and sometimes the incessant ‘will you play with me?’ can feel so heavy. It’s totally normal for your child to want to be close to you; that’s how attachment often works. Children are bonafide proximity-seekers, and sometimes just next to you won’t be close enough- they will want to be on you. Take heart in knowing it’s nothing you have done, it’s just nature doing what it does.

Temperament plays a part in independent play as well. Some kiddos are more confident to do their own thing, whilst others will need your involvement.

Whatever your situation is, rest assured, you do not need to be playing with your child all the time. You don’t need to be their Director of Entertainment.

Practice

Just like everything else - start practicing small. When you’re engaged with your child in an activity, take a break to go to the toilet, or grab a drink; then come back. Start stretching out longer absences and see how they go.

Special Time

You can use designated Special Time before you expect independent play. Special time can be 10,15,20 minutes of completely child-led, intentional time you give your child. They get to choose what you play, no screens or distractions, and it’s a non-negotiable- i.e. it doesn’t get taken away as a consequence. After special time, your child’s cup may be a little bit full so they may be more likely to be okay with playing on their own.

Hold your Boundaries

It’s okay to be kindly firm with your child and let them know you need 10 minutes/ need to go to the toilet/ cook dinner and you aren’t available to play. It’s okay for them to be upset or disappointed about that - you can hold the boundary whilst supporting the emotion. Perhaps you can give them the option to play alongside you whilst you cook etc, or they can help you cook. Remember, when you are confident in your boundaries, they will have more sticking power. If you’re unsure, they know!

Back off

There is beauty in watching what your child can come up with on their own if you just give them some space to do so (even if they’re not asking for it). Our kids need opportunities to be bored and to use their imagination. We don’t need to be directing their play all the time or creating activities for them. It’s okay to not be ‘on’ all the time.

And Mama, if your child isn’t up for it today - it’s also okay to pop the TV on for a bit, or to call for help.

Parenting is so intensive, and it can take a toll. Let go of being perfect and do what you need to do to get by.

Rupturing a little more than you’d like at the moment? Check out our Rupture and Repair pre-recorded workshop. For $40 we will have you loving your ruptures, owning your repairs and feel like a dang good mum, just the way you are.