Tracy Gillett, Raised Good on finding joy in motherhood without the shoulds, expectations and white noise of society
Tracy Gillett is the founder, writer and advocate behind the award-winning blog, Raised Good - a guide to natural parenting in the modern world. Written from Vancouver with millions of readers worldwide, she educates and inspires women to reclaim the wonder of motherhood and the joy of childhood by parenting without the shoulds, expectations, and white noise of society. She is the host of the Raised Good Online Summit, and she offers courses, eBooks and guides on her website raisedgood.com. Tracy and her family enjoy traveling, being active and spending as much time exploring the outdoors as possible.
We chat about:
- Tracy's own motherhood journey including moving across the world and experiencing infertility
- How we can find joy in motherhood and be in flow with our children
- How we can have confidence in our parenting choices and advocate for our children
You can connect with Tracy here: www.raisedgood.com Insta @raisedgood
Hey Mama, I have a Sleep Guide for you! For birth to 18 months, this guide is steeped in evidence and laced with compassion. And you can download the first chapter absolutely free HERE.
Are we Insta pals? If not, why not? Come and hang out at @mamamatters.au!
As always, thanks for being here- if you enjoy this poddy I would LOVE if you could give a rating and a review. It means the world to me.
xx
TRANSCRIPT
Fiona Weaver 00:09
Hello love and welcome to the Manage chatters podcast. If you're keen to ditch all of the parenting shoulds and want to uncomplicate sleep and parenting, you are in the right place, through honest conversations with experts and each other, we will help you to cut through all of the noise and to love the heck out of your imperfect and authentic parenting. I'm Fiona, a social worker by trade. Now supporting families with sleep and parenting through my business mama matters. I'm passionate about parenting psychology, biologically normal infants sleep and infant mental health and attachment. I'm also a parent, and I am on a mission to normalize the shitshow that can be parenthood.
Fiona Weaver 00:48
I know that right now you might be trapped under a sleeping baby. Or maybe you've got your headphones in to soften the blue of the afternoon witching hour, wherever and whoever you are. I want you to know that you belong here. Now, let's have a chat.
Fiona Weaver 01:05
Hello, my love's today I am speaking with Tracy Guillet of the race, good blog. You might also know her from her race Good Summit, which she does every year where she interviews tons of incredible people. She has so much epic content on her website. She has a wealth of wisdom and information. So I am so happy to have her here today, talking about her personal journey into motherhood and also her passion behind what she shares on her blog. So she is the founder writer and advocate behind the award winning blog race good A Guide to Natural parenting in the modern world. She is on a mission to help new parents free themselves from the rules of modern parenthood and to nurture closer bonds and deeper connections with their children. I'm so grateful to have this chat with Tracy and I hope you love it as much as I did. Welcome Tracy. It's so nice to have you here on the potty. We've been talking about this for a long time. And I am so excited to finally have the chance to chat with you. Oh, we have a few minor and I'm excited to be here. We keep changing with our kids, don't we? We were one of them sounds slick or whatever. Yes. And we were just talking about this. We always have conversations off air before we record. But we were just talking about how the flexibility is a bit of a blessing and a curse with this work, isn't it? Because when you can be flexible, you need to be flexible all the time. Yeah, absolutely. Gonna be that that branch bending in the breeze? Don't you're on your brain. That's very beautiful.
Fiona Weaver 02:32
All right, so could you please introduce yourself to our listeners? I'm sure a lot of them already know you. But let us know who you are, where you're from and who's in your family? Sure. So I'm Tracy, I ran a website called Race good, which is all about natural parenting. And originally, I'm from Melbourne, I lived on the Gold Coast where you are for a while I lived there for a couple of years. That was where I had my first job. I went to uni in Brisbane and met my Kiwi husband there.
Tracy Gillett 03:00
And from there we traveled we lived in London for five years and travelled around Europe and the globe and stuff and ended up then back in Auckland, lived there for a few years and got married. And we are now in Canada. So while we were living in London, we still had itchy feet and wanted to keep moving. And so we applied for Canadian residency. And that came through while we're in New Zealand, and we had to use it or lose it at some point. So we gave it a shot. And we've ended up here probably longer than than we thought we would. But we're building a house now. So we'll see where it leads. Amazing. So how long have you been in Canada for then? Like 10 years? Oh, wow. Yeah, time. Yeah. Yeah. And our son was born here. So he's, he's eight years old. And he's, yeah, he's, he's amazing. He's Canadian. And it took us a while to get to him. That was where race good was originally going was going to be a fertility blog. So took about three years to fall pregnant. And yeah, and it was such a blessing when he finally arrived. Wow. So that was going to be my next question. Like, how did you come to do this work? And what was your own journey into motherhood? So do you want to expand on that? A little bit more? Yeah, yeah. So we, we got married, and we wanted to wanted to fall pregnant. And I have endometriosis. And I'd known that since I was a teenager. And so I'd always suspected that I could have trouble falling pregnant. And then we've tried to stop falling pregnant and it just wasn't happening. And we went to fertility specialists when we were living in New Zealand at the time.
Tracy Gillett 04:40
And I was just doing all the things you know, reading all the books that you do when you're trying to fall pregnant, lots of fertility books and all the different supplements and yoga and everyone just telling you just to relax, which is the last thing you should tell someone that trying to get pregnant. And yeah, so it was a It was a longer journey than than we thought, than we thought it would take and ended up falling pregnant after we'd moved to Vancouver, and fell pregnant naturally. And I don't know how many how many sessions of acupuncture I did, and my husband did. And I did hypnotherapy. And I did all the different things that you do. And it was quite a challenge. I'm sure, by the third year, I was starting to get depressed. You know, just that anyone that's been through infertility knows, it's that sort of, you're living your life, two weeks at a time, you've got two weeks of hope, where you might might be pregnant, and then two weeks where you know, you're not pregnant, and then trying to pull yourself out of it. And try again for the next month and think, can you try something new? Can you do something different? So yeah, so when, when it finally happened, and, and can save time, naturally, I'd always thought that I would start a blog about fertility to teach other mums what I'd learned in that time period. But of course, I fell pregnant, and my focus shifted to babies and parenting and it kind of went down an unconventional path with, you know, co sleeping and full time breastfeeding, and all that kind of stuff. And I just found that I was so happy as a new mom, I was really tired, but I was really happy. And I'd go to mom's groups, and other moms would say to me, like, why are you so happy? Like, what what are you doing? That's different and, and that's when I started writing about what my experience was. And, and, and also found that having a creative outlet as a mom was something that that I really enjoyed. And writing was something that I'd never done before I had a science background. I went through Veterinary Science at UQ and Brisbane, and I was a bit for about 10 years. And so I was all about science when I was at school and physics and chemistry, and I didn't pay much attention in English. And then I discovered that I actually really enjoyed writing. And so it was quite a surprise when that happened. And so I started the blog and and had a couple of viral posts, and it just kind of took off much faster than I ever thought that it would. I thought my mum and dad and my husband and my mother in law might be reading it and nobody else but it quickly took off and and kind of grew through you. Yeah. So started a life of its own. And yeah, it's been a wild ride since then. Hmm.
Fiona Weaver 07:32
So when would you have started the blog? What year would that have been?
Tracy Gillett 07:38
Yeah, like, yeah, seven, seven years ago, like Tom was pretty little I remember I would write blogs. This was before I discovered, like, what sort of technology and stuff Google head I would I would write blogs on my phone when I'd be breastfeeding him to sleep or he'd be napping, you know, and I'd be typing them on my phone. And then I get so many words done. And then I email it to myself. And then I write it a bit later on the computer. And then I'd email it back to myself. And then I typed it off, or Google Docs, or Google Docs. Now it would be so much easier, but I had all these and yeah, one of the first posts that I wrote wrote was about co sleeping and why I loved it so much, and, and why my baby loved it. And then yeah, wrote other posts about sleep and entered some blogging competitions and won a couple of those and, and yeah, just really enjoyed it and learned about writing. And so yeah, it was it was a while ago now. Yeah, amazingly long ago for me to think about. So yeah, so it's sticking around. It's no blog, that's just gonna disappear.
Fiona Weaver 08:43
No, it's definitely not going anywhere. The reason I asked when you started it was because I came across that when I had my son, who was six and a half. And it was such a breath of fresh air. So it feels like such a full circle moment to now be coming back working in this space alongside you, and interviewing you for my podcasts and being in your Summit. It feels really great, because I remember so clearly coming across one of your blog posts, I don't know which one it was, it might have just been about normal babies sleep or something. And I was like, yes, yes. Finally, somebody is talking about this, because all I could find before then was this is all the stuff that you're doing wrong. This is how you're screwing up your baby. This is how you're failing. This is what's going to happen if you don't set up these good sleep habits. And then I came across you and I think later that beyond sleep training group and I'll say Oh, everything that I am feeling and pushing back and pushing back against is not my own personal failing. This is there's something in this and other people are seeing it and feeling it too. So it felt amazing to come across your blog back in the day.
Tracy Gillett 09:47
Oh, thanks, Jana. It gives me goosebumps to say that because that's yeah, that's the whole reason why I do what I do. And I know that's why you do what you do, you know? So to just help one out there And yeah, one of the first taglines that I had for my blog was like breaking the rules of modern parenthood, you know, and and you talk about renegade parents. And yeah, I think it's yeah, it's really questioning, you know, why we do the things we do and whether or not they make sense. And one of the things I talk about a lot is just infusing the joy back into into parenthood. Because parenthood is hard, like, no matter which way you cut it, it's going to be hard. And if you don't have those joyful moments that parenting can bring in if instead, we're pitting ourselves against our kids, and it's this so them kind of situation, then I don't know how anybody can enjoy it. And yeah, I think just being able to flow with our kids and to see them for who they are, rather than trying to pretend that they're somebody that they're not that they're a baby that's going to sleep through the night that they're a toddler that's going to share that they're a toddler that's gonna accept a no, yeah, that's not gonna try to push a limit or a boundary. Like, that's just you're just setting yourself up for failure. But that's what mainstream parenting culture is doing to parents. And most mothers, especially, I think, feel like failures.
Fiona Weaver 11:16
Yes, 100%. I love that, that that leading into, like, understanding who they are, what they're actually developmentally able to do takes so much pressure off us trying to get them to do something that they are just not ready to do.
Tracy Gillett 11:32
Yeah, big time. It was like when I was in the vet clinic, you know, when someone would have a dog and they wouldn't want it? Yeah, like, are they taking it for walking on wants to sniff everything and you know, have fun and just be a dog? And they're like, but we don't want it, I want it to walk beside me and put a choker chain on it and do this and be obedient and like, Why do you get a dog? Like, get a fish? Like, realize what you've got here? Yeah, and go with it. And it's the same with our kids, like, knowing who they are and what they need from us. And yeah, and I loved I've just appellees work or the conscious parenting stuff, and, and I think when we can lean into who our kids are, then we can really evolve alongside them and really grow as adults ourselves. If we think that we're finished by the time our kids arrive, and, you know, we don't need to change them. But I think we're missing the point of
Fiona Weaver 12:31
missing so much opportunity out way and being in relationship with our kids. Because, as well as us influencing who our kids are, we need to be open and flexible to being influenced and change by them. Justice. Absolutely.
Tracy Gillett 12:43
Yeah. being imperfect. And, and so much of that is about facing our own triggers, isn't it? And, and realizing where they come from, and, and, and, you know, taking taking the power away from those triggers and not being triggered by those things anymore. And yeah, I think that's, that's one of the biggest challenges of parenting, and realizing that it's not what your kid is doing. Because you'll be triggered by one thing, and your husband will be triggered by something else. And you can be doing the same thing. So yeah, figuring out where that comes from. And then, yeah, I think that's where so much growth can come for, for us as parents.
Fiona Weaver 13:26
Yeah. Knowing what's your stuff? Yeah. Most of it.
Tracy Gillett 13:31
Yeah, yeah. Not about changing the kid. No, not becoming the parent that our kids need.
Fiona Weaver 13:36
Yes, exactly. Parenting the child before us, rather than the ones that we thought we would might have or the one that is in the book in front of us. Yeah. Yeah. It takes a lot more psychological flexibility, doesn't it?
Tracy Gillett 13:49
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, that's the difference. I think mainstream parenting just really puts all the pressure on the kid, right? Like, there's something wrong with the kid, and we've got to fix the kid. And the kid just needs to be more obedient. And we'll put them in a timeout if they're not doing what they're told. And whereas the other way around, it's putting much more of the responsibility on us. To,
Fiona Weaver 14:09
it's interesting, because although the mainstream puts all of the pressure on the kid to conform, there's also a lot of blame towards a parent. So if a kid is behaving a certain way, that's because the parents haven't been strict enough or haven't been consistent enough. It's the same with sleep, right? If a baby isn't sleeping, well, you know, sleeping through the night or whatever, then it's because the parent hasn't followed the routine enough. Yeah. Persistence and consistency. Yeah, yeah. I hate that. Which is sad, because there's so much more to parenting that we are potentially missing. And, you know, like you said, it's not all sunshine and beer. But there's so much opportunity for our own growth for really rich relationships and connection with our kids and just to be able to enjoy motherhood, it doesn't have to be so hard.
Tracy Gillett 14:59
No You know, it doesn't have to be so hard. And I often say that it's like, you know, like with sleep you know, both you and I talk about sleep a lot and, and the reason why I'm still talking about sleep all these years later I don't have a baby anymore. Is because I feel like it presents this real fork in the road. If you can be with with a baby through the night that is wakeful. And, and, and be in that moment and stretch, you know, evolve with your baby and see them for who they are in those moments, then how much easier is it for you when they become a toddler, and they stop throwing their food on the floor, or all these sorts of things. Whereas if you go down the path of, you know, cried out, then things like timeouts, just feel natural, and punishments, and threats and rewards. If we can get to that first part of of sleep, and nighttime parenting and choosing gentle ways to manage those nights, then I think the rest of parenting becomes so much easier because you're in the being rather than the doing. Yeah, and you're just learning how to be with your child. And you're really leaning into that relationship, right? And like in it together, and that kind of attitude. And it's, it's so much more of a way of being and doing you don't need a checklist for how to be a parent.
Fiona Weaver 16:30
Yeah, I love that. I think that the other the other part of that is when we do respond to sleep differently, like having really firm boundaries, or maybe being not responsive in the nighttime or whatever that looks like for you. It can be a really slippery slope of just getting out of sync with your child and being Miss attuned to their cues and maybe being desensitized to their cries that carries on through daytime parenting as well. Doesn't it and into the toddler years when, you know, their cries don't mean the same as potentially they would. You know what I mean?
Tracy Gillett 17:04
Yeah, yeah. 100%?
Fiona Weaver 17:06
Yeah, slippery slope. Okay, so how did your expectations meet your reality in your own motherhood journey? Did you know that you'd be going down this path? Or did it kind of come naturally? Or what did that look like for you?
Tracy Gillett 17:22
I think I was probably always headed down this path. The fertility journey, really, you know, like, I remember I'd be driving back from the, from the acupuncture clinic through the city to get home. And I'd be skiving off work, you know, trying to, like between meetings and doing all this stuff. And, and just, I'm not, I'm not religious, but you become spiritual when you're trying to bargain with someone just like just one kid with like, I just want one baby like, and I will be so much of a better mother because of this challenge that I'd been through. And so I think, I think having gone through that three years of not that not that, I would say that. That it's not that I would say I would have taken it for granted had I not gone through that time. But But I think that really sort of stretched me before I became a mom. And, and I've shattered a lot of things that I thought were true, like, just along along sort of the medical journey compared to natural medicine and stuff like that, and started to really go a lot more down that natural route. And we had a midwife and a doula. And I talk a lot about in my blog, when my midwife said to me one day that your baby would sleep with you, like you just said, he'll sleep with you. I said, No one he was sleeping in his crib, like I've got a crib, I bought it. It's like
Fiona Weaver 18:49
a tiny toddler. It looks nice.
Tracy Gillett 18:52
Waiting for the mattresses, like, I don't know what it was latex bamboo or whatever. Like they're setting it up next week. And it's that's where he's like, she was like that. No, she was English. And so she's just like, straight to the point. And she's like, Nah, he'll be sleeping with you. And but I was by that point, I was just like, so curious to know what she was talking about. And so I read a book called The other baby book. And it was broken into I don't know how many chapters like eight chapters and they had a chapter on sleep and then they had a chapter on ECE which we ended up doing. So like early potty training, then I have a chapter on breastfeeding. And yeah, and I started to, to think read about, you know, how different cultures do things. And really, I think looking at cross cultural experiences can be so powerful and, and having, you know, been I just really love animals and had always loved nature and wildlife conservation. I've done veterinary work and thinking, well, animals don't go I put there like other mammals aren't going to put their babies in another room. Like, that's not normal or like, you know, when we were cavemen, we weren't like putting the baby in another cave, and it just wouldn't make any sense. And so yeah, I, she kind of, she was very supportive that midwife, and she helped me with co sleeping. And so my baby was he went into that, that plastic bassinet thing that they have at the hospital, like put him in there after he was born. And that lasted for about five minutes. And then I just put him into, I was like, I can't do this. Like I've waited for three years plus 42 weeks to like, meet this baby. He's coming into my bed. And, and yeah, and so and that's where he stayed. And so that was yeah, one of the and once you start questioning one thing, like once you start questioning sleep, or then like just something as small as as EC, with you know, diapers, and you start looking at how other cultures are doing it. And you know how absorbent diapers have really changed. You know how long children stay in diapers, like, I think in the 1960s, the average length of time that that baby would be in diapers was a year, they were not like toilet trained by a year. Now it's three years, because pampers are so much better at making them absorbent and making kids feel dry. So once you start questioning one thing, then you start questioning everything. And that's just how my mind works. I've always questioned things. I don't take much for granted. I'm happy to do things differently. I'm happy to be opinionated. And and yeah, so one thing led to another, I think, probably started with sleep and that kind of thing in babyhood and then continued on throughout my parenthood, just questioning like, well, do we want to homeschool? Or do we want to go to regular school? Or do we want to, you know, I think just realizing that you've got a choice is really important and making the choice yourself rather than letting society make it for you?
Fiona Weaver 22:10
Yes, you always have to know what your why is, hey, yeah, why? Why am I putting my baby in the cart right now? Is it? Because so I can say to my friends that yes, he sleeps in his cart? Or is it because I need some space? I need my arms free. I'm feeling notched out that totally fine. Yeah, when we know our why we can stand in it was so much more confidence. Something that stands out to me about what you have just spoken about as well is how powerful one single person one single comment. One single blog, for example, can be in those early days when you are working out who you are, or who you're going to be as a parent. And then you have one person. So you've had that one midwife come in and say, this is permission to bring your baby to bed with you. And this is really normal in a different way. But like saying that in a different way, but that was the permission that you probably didn't know you needed. Yeah, yeah. And that, that, that just gives me so much drive for the work that we do is because I know, I mean, I had a book by thinking, okay, when I was when I when I had my first and I remember how powerful it was reading that book that said, it's okay, if your baby take short naps, this is why your baby wants to be close to you. It's okay if you don't want to do sleep this way. And it was just so powerful for where I was at.
Tracy Gillett 23:30
Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think just having someone who's just even a few steps ahead on the journey, or, you know, Pinky who's got like, loads of grandkids now, and she can just say it was such confidence. Like, yeah, like turned out? It was okay. Yeah. It's all good, I think can just be so reassuring. And I think we've lost a lot of that in our culture, you have lost the village. And and I think it's trying to recreate that. And it can look a little bit different than perhaps what it what it used to, but you know, pinkies, part of your village, matriarch who's helping to, you know, pass on, like, this is how this is how it can be done. You don't have to do it. How mainstream wants you to? Yeah, and at the same time, I would say to any mother who's listening, like, if you, you know, if you want to stop breastfeeding at a certain time, or if you don't want to breastfeed at all, like, that's I 100% support, like, what, how about your choice? Like, yeah, it could be your choice. Like, I know, your choice. Today's reasons. Yeah. Like, authenticity is probably one of the things that I value most. And so it's like, I don't want you to the same as I do it. Like, I'll show you. I'll let you know how I'm doing it and the reasons why I'm doing it the way I am. And I fully acknowledge that you know, if I was, if I had been among 10 years earlier, or if I You had a different situation, or if I had, like, I might be making different choices. But I think it's just making choices that are your own. Because we're all gonna look back, you know, and think, Oh, I wish I would have done this, or we should have done that. But on the big things, I think it's really important to do your own research and trust your intuition. And the more that you start to do things your way, then the stronger that drive inside becomes like, the more your confidence grows, and then you're just willing to stand up for your kid when they need to know what know what you need, and not need to keep outsourcing to like, check what everyone else is doing.
Fiona Weaver 25:44
Yes. And just bringing back that experimentation as well, like just trial and error. Your kid gives you a cue or they bring with bring to you a certain behavior, something that you don't really know what to do with instead of just going straight to the book, or just leave that there, I'll just consult the book, just have a go and see how it lands, and then see how it feels like sometimes I say things, you know, off the cuff, and then I'm like, oh, that didn't feel very good. That didn't feel quite right. And then I'll do it differently next time. Or I might come back if it's my older kid and say, Hey, I don't think I handled that very well. And that authenticity of showing that, you know, you're just having a go sometimes as well, it's okay for them to do the same. I am still the grown up and I am still bigger, stronger, wiser kind. I'm still in charge. And I've got you and you're safe. But you know, I'm definitely not perfect. And we are working this out together. Yeah,
Tracy Gillett 26:37
yeah, big time. And I think I love how you talk about imperfection. And, and I tried to talk about it as well, it's it's so important that we do them, you know, to give our kids permission to be imperfect as well.
Fiona Weaver 26:51
Yeah. Because I know and for them to be reflective as well, like reflective functioning is such a pivotal skill in life and relationships to be able to actually get curious like, Oh, I wonder why he is acting like that. Or I wonder what might be going on for them. That's such a beautiful skill to have.
Tracy Gillett 27:08
Yeah, big time.
Fiona Weaver 27:11
Yeah. Okay, so I'm gonna ask you, in terms of all of the mainstream parenting sleep paradigm, what do you think is the biggest thing that we are missing the mark on?
Tracy Gillett 27:28
I think just connection, I think, I think the mainstream narrative just really promotes disconnection right from the start. And, and I sometimes talk about, like, our babies come out. And they don't know about any of this stuff that we've got going on, like cribs, and all that kind of stuff. And they just come to us, and they're just attachment magnets, aren't they like, they just, they're craving connection, they just want to be close to us. And I know that you talked about Newfields work as well. And he talks about the six stages of attachment unfolding. And that in that first year, our babies can only attach through the senses, and so they need to be close to us. Some babies will just want to be on your feet every now. But yeah, my baby was like that half the time. And I think so many of us have been brought up with disconnection, that sometimes we don't recognize connection when it's looking at us in the face. And that's what our babies can do. And I think that's really the change that our culture needs. So badly is more connection. You know, we can't look for it on a screen through social media. You know, it's in our homes, and it's with our friends, and it's with our village around us. And yeah, I think I think all of these things like, you know, timeouts, that's just saying to a child, like you're not welcome in my presence, unless your behavior pleases me. That's what it's saying and come back when it pleases me. Until then I'm taking away connection. And the reason why it works so well is because you're alarming that child, you're threatening them with disconnection. And a child will do anything to preserve that connection with you. But for how long? Like, you know, I'm starting to think about the tween years and the teen years. And that's when I'm like, gosh, I hope I have done enough connection, like invested in those early years. So that when he's a teenager, he's still feeling connected and trust me in that relationship. And I think when we follow the mainstream advice, which is just full of it's just all behaviorist. You know, I do this and you'll respond like that, like, and we did all this in vet school like animals, like family. Yeah, like
Fiona Weaver 30:01
operant conditioning classical.
Tracy Gillett 30:03
Yeah, that's just and then to treat, I don't even think animals should be treated like that like, but to treat a child like that like to try to get them to be obedient and do what we want. And then to expect that when they're teenagers, that they'll think for themselves, and they won't just follow their friends and do what their friends say. But they wouldn't doing what we told them. Like, we want them to grow up and to be able to question us and disagree with us. And we need to be the types of people that are evolving alongside our kids so that someone disagreeing with us doesn't shake us to the core. Like, it's fine to disagree. I think that's one of the biggest problems that we've got right now is this inability to disagree. This canceled culture and thinking that everyone needs to have the same. Everyone needs to see the world the same way we do. That would be a very boring world to live in. Like,
Fiona Weaver 30:54
Oh, absolutely. I love that summary. The and especially seeing the fruits of our loins as our kids grow as well. We have to lay the foundations now of you are welcome in my presence, our relationship will never be used against you. There are things that I might not like that you do, but we'll work on that. But our relationship is always solid. Dogs trying to get in. But what I was gonna say yes, this morning. So today's Halloween in Australia.
Tracy Gillett 31:25
Yeah, I've got I've got my costume ready. How do you? What are you going as I'm a pirate? Oh, good. My husband Simon has a Ghostbuster. And Tom was the Mandalorian from Star Wars. Oh,
Fiona Weaver 31:38
that's what that's what my husband was in sized. Costume the other day
Tracy Gillett 31:44
it is a Halloween here is huge.
Fiona Weaver 31:47
Like, yeah, it's different there. Hey,
Tracy Gillett 31:49
that's amazing.
Fiona Weaver 31:50
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But so I was saying, I was on social media this morning, I started scrolling and stuff. And then all of a sudden, there's all of these posts like opinionated posts on. This is why I'm not giving into Halloween this year, or this is how I think Halloween should be done, or this is why we won't be celebrating. And there's so many dividing strong opinions on everything that I always Halloween is not a good example. Because it's not, there's not that much about it. But, you know, everything that happens in the world is just a chance for everybody to get on their pedestal and be really loud about how they are thinking about it differently. And I always back off on days like that, like I won't post much about, you know, things that are happening in the world at the time, because I'm much more of a sit back, think about it, reflect on it before I know where I stand with it. But I find it really overwhelming. Like when you feel like you know, who you are or what you feel about something. And then you see all of these conflicting stances on something that it's good to be open to it to know, some other sides of the conversation, but it's also so overwhelming and confusing. And it's the same with when we are parenting or working with sleep. It is the it's the same thing, right? Like, there's just too much out there. And you kind of lose touch of who, what what you feel about something.
Tracy Gillett 33:18
Yeah, definitely. And I think we should always be, like, just being open to disagree is, is is going into the conversation and saying, like, I am open to learning something here. Like I'm open to hearing another opinion, I'm not going to shut down another opinion, just because it's different to mine. Because I could learn something here. And, and, and really just finding those those areas that we do agree on, you know where we are similar.
Fiona Weaver 33:45
And humanity.
Tracy Gillett 33:47
Yeah, yeah. So I think it's, I think it's really important that we do that. And so that's why Yeah, like, I mean, I copy it all the time. Like you'd be the same, you know, the posts that you're gonna put on Instagram that are gonna cop a bunch of backlash. Yeah. Bring it on. Like,
Fiona Weaver 34:01
you're much braver than me. I hate it. But I still like I'm just gonna ignore that.
Tracy Gillett 34:08
Yeah, well, it's, um, and it's not to like pick a fight. It's, it's 90% of the time. It's supporting the people that are on this path. Like to say, Yeah, I'll put my neck out to support you. Because? Because it's worth it, because I think it makes a difference. And to know that, yeah, because it's not always easy. And yeah, like, you know, you're a new mom and someone's asking, Do you sleep through the night? Was he sleeping? Or what? If you're an exhausted new mom, you don't always want to get into that conversation of Oh, no, he sleeps in my bed and get into a discussion about that. Like sometimes you might just say, yeah, yeah, he's sleeping fine. And he's, like smiling. Yeah, and that's fine. You don't always have to, but, but I think when you can You know, if you're in that zone where you can say, Yeah, I'm still breastfeeding my three, three year old, my four year old. Yeah, he's sleeping in my bed. And he's six. And he's always welcome whenever he needs to. Yeah, I think normalizing that really helps other new moms that are coming along this path. So I love that you do what you do, because you're really helping to shake that narrative and build a new one.
Fiona Weaver 35:24
Yeah, that Gotcha. powerhouse. You're me. All right, Tracy, it has been so wonderful to talk with you. Is there anything that you would like to finish with any? What are your hopes and dreams for parents everywhere? What would be the magic wand?
Tracy Gillett 35:42
I think just what we're talking about before, like, just to infuse more joy into parenthood, not to take it so seriously. To bring in more play as much as you can, like play as the shortest distance, I think between a parent and a child. And yeah, just not always take it so seriously, and, and to have fun. And to be in the moment to really bring yourself back to not catastrophize. I think it's so easy, especially as moms to catastrophize and start living in the future about what's going to happen if this thing and rather than just coming back to where you are now. Yes. And yeah, just really seeing your child and being led by that. And really trying to let go as of as many expectations as you can. There are often I think that that saying that expectations are resentments waiting to happen, I think is I haven't heard that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think trying to try to replace them with realistic expectations, which I think is why it's important to, you know, talk, have real talk with with, with parents who are willing to be honest. So you can have realistic expectations, but really just dropping as many of them as you can and just flying with your kid because the old lady's in the pocket, right? It goes so fast, like, Yeah, I can't believe that. I'll be looking at double digits soon.
Fiona Weaver 37:14
Yeah, that's insane. Yeah. So where can people find you, Tracy? And what's next for you?
Tracy Gillett 37:21
Ray's good.com, everything is there. Instagram was just at Rice, good. Facebook as well. I have a Facebook group that parents can join. And yeah, next for me. We were talking about that before we started recording. Yeah, planning things out. I do a summit annually. So starting to think about that already for next year. Hoping to travel a bit more next year. So thinking about getting some some interviews recorded now.
Tracy Gillett 37:52
So yeah, summit next year. I have a sleep course which we'll be launching again soon. And yeah, and probably some kind of community membership coming coming down the line. But yeah.
Fiona Weaver 38:06
Awesome. And your website and your blog is a wealth of information and wisdom as well. So definitely check that out if you haven't already. Thank you so much for your time today. Tracy, it's been lovely to chat with you. I use the rest of your Sunday afternoon. Yeah, it always wakes me up being on the other side of the world. Yeah, back in time.
Fiona Weaver 38:28
Thank you, Tracy. Thanks, Fiona. Hey, thank you so much for listening to mama chatters if you enjoyed this episode, let's continue the conversation on Instagram at MAMA matters.au. Be sure to share this app with your family and friends. And don't forget if you liked it, please leave a rating and review wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you again and I will see you next time.
